Comments on: Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself and Overcome Self Pity – A Step By Step Guide

By: Mischa

Mischa — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 06:39:23 +0000

Patrick, I love this article. Thank you for sharing your ES&H!
I’m in early recovery and I googled self pity and this blog came up. I too consider self-pity very toxic. I surely don’t need to read any “how to’s” on how to nurture that part of myself. Heck, I could probably get you all to cosign my garbage. It’s fighting that monster that’s the hard part.

By: Kelley

Kelley — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 04:47:12 +0000

I am caught in a cycle of pushing my fiance away, he was involved in drugs for many years when we were first together and I am almost certain that he cheated on me, I know there were other women, but just not certain if he physically cheated. The issue I have is that 6 months ago he got out of jail and told me he was starting a new life for us, since then I have gone through hell of trying to believe his word. He keeps trying to reassure me and finally about a month ago he started growing cold and it seems like he is now actually starting to talk about “i” instead of “we” and I am feeling angry as I think that I gave him 3 years of his life when he was putting me through his drug addiction hell and now that its my turn to heal he is pretty much throwing his hands up. I love him, but I also want him to appreciate me and all he says is that I want someone to beat up each night verbally. I dont want us to break up, but I have this self righteous thought that he should give me as much time as I need as I put up with his crap. How do I let go of it?

By: Brian Bevans

Brian Bevans — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:54:59 +0000

Hi ,Thank You for all the understanding or self pity.Im alive and well.My smile is brighter now and is going to get brighter and brighter by the second.Thank You again.Peace Brian Bevans.

By: Shannin

Shannin — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 04:01:54 +0000

My man left me because I drove him away with the whole being a needy victim thing. Said that I really just needed to work on fixing me. Perhaps after that has started he could find his way back to me. Rather than taking his advice for what it was, I decided to swim in a pool of self pity. Woe is me, my man left me and my girls all alone. I managed to drive away my brother who I just met in only one night. Then even after my man and I had a deep meaningful talk that really offered hope of a future together down the road, after I fix some of those me issues, I managed to somehow dive head first into that familiar pool again, and in all likelyhood, drove him further away and dont even know why I was continuing on with my party for one! I restarted therapy and have been waiting for her to offer some insight or some helpful little tools to begin the repairs that I so desperately need. Then I stumbled on this page and have already began using the tools offered here. Thank you for posting this web site!!! It has already been more help than a months worth of therapy been. THANK YOU!!!!

By: Bob

Bob — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 15:58:49 +0000

Thanks man

By: yoshi

yoshi — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 04:01:40 +0000

I am glad to run into this article as I desparately search for some answers for my mood swing I was gettting for no particular reasons today. I usually end up feeling self-pity and dwell on the feeling deeper even though I want to get out of the trap. Yes, it’s a vicious cycle and my whole perception in my life shifts when I get stuck in the bad mood. I even lose a will to live for the moment. But the article gave me clear insight of my self-pity and a hope to know that it is up to me to change this pattern. Thnk you.

By: Josie O'Brien

Josie O'Brien — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 01:11:21 +0000

Hi my name is Josephine O’Brien…I did not realize how much self pity has effected me. Also dealing with Alcoholism and depression. I hope one day I will be strong enough, not only for me but for my family. I am now only reaching out for the support, coming off a binger…missing college…having debts I cannot pay, But I will look forward because I have had enough with self-pity. I am a strong First Nations woman with so much goals and hope for this world, that gives me strength and people like you who can open up with their hearts and be supportive. mussi cho (Thank you)

By: David

David — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 10:28:40 +0000

Greate read,

I have been feeling self-pity for a while since I lost my job. I felt misrable and useless. After having a full time schedule of work and study, I’m sitting at home all day watching tv and going online searching for jobs. After a 6 months of job search and rejection, I gave up and my self-pity increased even more.

I knew what I needed to do. I started applying for graduate schools. I thought I needed a change from my daily misrable life and it’s time to look for a serious change.

Fast forward 8 months, I am on my second semester now. I barely have time to warch tv now. The amount of work required is similar tohaving almost 2 full time jobs. Now I think back, my life has always been extremes.

With the new life, comes new challenges and opportunities. I must say I don’t have negative thoughts and self pity as much as before and thank god for that. But the negative thoughts still pop up in my head. I keep thinking about the horrible work conditions just before leaving the job. I realize now that my experience in that company had a severe impact on me. I just wish someone can tell me how to get over these bad memories. I am realizing that these memories are my trigger for self-pity and negatibe thoughts. How can I get over this. Any adice would be much appreciated.

By: Jude

Jude — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 11:51:49 +0000

Feeling lots of self-pity today. My boyfriend who lives 5 hours drive away, decided to spend christmas with his 18 and 20 year old. at first i was welcome to come and help cook. his daughter has only been critical of me, so it didn’t sound appealing. then they decided to spend christmas in a city midway between his house and mine, stay at a hotel, go out… more fun. but i was no longer invited. i was angry and broke with boyfriend, but i’m attached and so we decided to maintain our weeklong holiday together next week. but late last night and this morning i felt miserable. i have no family to see anywhere near here (from another continent) and i felt really upset and angry to have a boyfriend who claims to be serious but can’t open up his family space to me in a way that’s could work.

By: Seeking Serenity

Seeking Serenity — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:47:00 +0000

Hi all,
I’ve benefitted from the honesty of all of your postings and desire to overcome self pity. I have that desire as well. I am trying to discern if what I am experiencing is self pity or sadness. I think it’s a process for me / a transition from My Will (me playing God) to getting on every level that I am not your deity (your meaning loved one, parent, family etc.). I wanted so desperately to “save” people to love them out of their addictions/pain/ abusive childhoods/ depression – my fantasy that I could actually do this – gave me a purpose and a convenient way to avoid my own reality (depression, chronic illness, codependency, other isms). I have been active in recovery for 5 years (1 -2 meetings every week) and my life has been dramatically transformed. I am the onion having layer after layer peeled – and I think today (tho very inconvenient for my social calendar) I am experiencing deep deep sadness and yet at the same time acceptance that I cannot FIX, CURE anyone…if it’s not God’s will for that to happen…I guess I believed for so long that my love could change people if i just kept doing good, being there, sacrificing – that someday it would all be worth it. Well, having been in recovery and seeing dear friends relapse and spiral downward despite years and years of powerful recovery work – (and my own ability to spin out of serenity and turn into a self destructor with the smallest things adding up…I guess it’s just humbling and scary to realize how NOT IN CHARGE of both myself and others that I am and how God is really the end all be all for my life and others. I’m a songwriter and today I wrote songs on the topic that “I am not your deity tho I tried so hard to be” – thought my love was all you’d ever need ….but I’m not Jesus, he’s got that job nailed.
I am grateful for my faith – even tho today I’m grieving the letting go of the belief in my WILL my perceived control and perfect plan for my life and others…it takes much MORE strength to surrender your will and have faith for purpose and provision in life than it does to act like all the power is yours. That’s why it’s called a “leap of faith.”
I can’t prove this to you – all I know is that, like Elvis, I’ve tried it MY WAY and I know that didn’t bring me continued peace and serenity. The older I get, the less of a know it all I become. This is scary but freeing as well. As I believe in a God that created me, knows the plans for me, plans to prosper and protect me – not to harm me. I believe in a God that loves me perfectly – unlike any human being ever could – I believe in a God that never fails me – never forgets me – and always instantly forgives whenever I ask. Thank you for letting me share my truth. Just writing this has helped me.