What role does spirituality play in overcoming addiction?

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Regardless of how you manage to find recovery, you do so via spiritual means. This doesn’t necessarily indicate a religious conversion.

A more accurate description would be a personality conversion. Some addicts might get clean through a 12 step program, others might find help in counseling, therapy, religion, or through long term programs. The means and methods by which addicts get clean and stay clean over the long run might vary, but they all share a common thread: they change an addict from the inside out.

As mentioned previously on Reading Addiction, the terms “spiritual” and “spirituality” are vague and fairly useless by themselves. They might bring to mind images of prayer, meditation, nature, and so on. But in terms of overcoming addiction, the spiritual experience is defined by a complete change in personality.

Defining the spiritual experience

A drug addict or alcoholic who is still using has a strong tendency towards self-centeredness. Their goal is to self-medicate, and they continue to justify and rationalize their need to do so. It is all about them.

In recovery, if an addict is to find long term sobriety, a shift will be made. They go from this self-centered, obsessive thinking, to genuine concern for other people. Relationships become meaningful again.

It is not so much that “spirituality plays a role in overcoming addiction.” Instead, overcoming addiction leads to a spiritual life. Another way of saying this is “bring your body and your mind will follow.” A similar saying heard in 12 step meetings is: “You can’t think your way into good living, you have to live your way into good thinking.”

So the question “What role does spirituality play in overcoming addiction?” is somewhat flawed to begin with. The real question is: how does one go from being a self-centered drug addict or alcoholic to living a spiritual life in recovery? You might also want to ask yourself:

1) Can an addict choose to have a spiritual experience?

2) How can an addict transform their life?

3) How can I live a more spiritual life?

4) How can I manage my life?

Overcoming addiction can be baffling without a replacement strategy.

Photo by Kyle May

What does this mean? A replacement strategy is actually a creation strategy.

For example, consider a list of common goals that people might strive for in their lives:

Lose Weight

Get out of debt

Quit smoking

Notice that all of these are negatives. People are trying to take something away from their lives. They are trying to create a negative. Now this might be a little nit-picky here, perhaps we are just playing with words a bit, but it probably makes a big difference–especially when it comes to your attitude.

Here is the big revelation: it is impossible to quit anything. Instead, you must replace it. With what? With some sort of creative energy.

For example, people don’t actually lose weight. Instead, they might change their eating habits, and start exercising on a regular basis, and weight does disappear eventually. But to say that they lost the weight is inaccurate, and also not very useful. Instead, they created positive replacement habits. They started living healthier.

Replacement strategies (or creation strategies) are powerful things. This is because they can have a multiplying effect on your progress. Let’s look deeper:

Say you want to lose weight. So, using traditional thinking, you might “eliminate 300 calories per day,” or do the same thing with a certain number of fat grams. You might also mandate a certain number of exercise sessions each week. This strategy will probably make for a long, slow road. Why? Because progress will be incremental at best.

How would a replacement strategy work in this case? The idea is to replace your bad habits with good ones, not just to simply eliminate the bad. So you would replace your least healthiest snacks each week with food that is actually good for you. You could do the same with exercise, and find your least active days, and push yourself to exercise the heaviest on those days that used to be the slowest for you.

Not only are you replacing the bad habits with good ones, you are doing so by applying the 80/20 rule. Target the absolute worst parts of your routine and completely flip them into a positive. Don’t get overwhelmed by trying to change every little thing that is bad in your life–start with the really bad stuff that needs changing and apply overwhelming force to turn it into a positive. That’s using the power of the 80/20 rule! It gets results fast while multiplying your efforts.

How does this apply to recovery?

When it comes to overcoming drug and alcohol addiction, simply abstaining is probably not going to work out for most people in the long run. Doing so creates a miserable life, unless you can incorporate some sort of recovery program.

Now consider the fact that most recovery programs are actually creation and replacement strategies. The question you need to ask yourself is this: how entangled has my life become with drugs and alcohol? Does every waking moment revolve around drinking and/or using drugs, thinking about using and drinking, figuring out ways to get the money so that I can continue to use more, and so on? The extent to which you are obsessed with drugs and alcohol is the extent to which you need a replacement strategy.

My whole life revolved around staying drunk and high on drugs. That was all I cared about. Therefore, consider the replacement strategy that finally worked for me: living for 20 months in long term treatment. Daily meeting attendance. Completely severing all ties with old drinking buddies and associating daily with new and sober friends in recovery. That was my replacement strategy.

Notice that all of those things are an act of creation. They are all positive things that required action on my part, instead of inaction (such as not drinking, or not going to the bars, etc.)

Does this mean that every addict needs long term treatment to overcome addiction? Not necessarily. But you should consider your plan for recovery as a plan of creation. You are not simply “quitting drugs.” What are you going to create in your life, and build up in your life that is positive? This is one reason that 12 step meetings are so powerful. Involving yourself in them every day becomes a powerful creation strategy.

What is your plan for recovery? What positive changes are going to become the centerpiece of your life? Are these changes enough to replace your obsession with drugs and alcohol?

Check back next week for a deeper analysis of what role spirituality plays in your replacement strategy for recovery.

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My friend Trent over at the Simple Dollar website just reviewed a book called “Margin.” It’s a personal development book that explores typical problems that people have, how creating margin can fix those problems, and what the outcome of doing so is:

Lack of time — create time margin — enjoy more free time — less stress, etc.

Money problems — create financial margin — emergency fund — less stress, etc.

Physical health — create fitness margin — exercise, eat healthier — less health problems.

Emotional health — create margin — cultivate meaningful relationships and mend broken ones — less emotional turmoil.

This is an awesome concept, and a great way of framing things in your mind. One word that comes to mind is “cushion.” The goal is to take each area in your life and create some degree of cushion. This is obvious with money–simply build up a savings account for an emergency fund, and the money will be there when you are in a crunch, greatly reducing the stress of the situation. The idea of using margin to create time-freedom is also an interesting way to alleviate stress. Instead of a hectic, rat-race of a chaotic life, the goal is to create enough leisure time to do the things you really want to do, without having to sell your soul into slave wages for the rest of your life.

So you get the idea: margin is “cushion.” Creating margin gives you breathing room.

But now here is the million dollar question:

How does the concept of margin relate to recovery from addiction?

Here’s how: You don’t get a margin in recovery. Why not? Because you can’t “bank” your sobriety. It doesn’t accumulate in the same way as, say, your educational efforts do. Someone with 20 years of education has accumulated a certain amount of knowledge, and taking a few years break will allow that person to retain almost all of that knowledge.

Recovery is different. Someone with 20 years of solid sobriety is 5 seconds away from picking up a drink. Relapse can potentially happen at any moment. And if it does, it absolutely destroys 20 years of sobriety in an instant. In fact, alcoholism still seems to progress even during long periods of abstinence. People who relapse  repeatedly say that they actually “picked up right where they left off,” and then got a little bit worse.

Margin in recovery: merely an illusion

Most of us are familiar with the concept of margin, even if we don’t think about it much. For example, we all know that we have financial margin if we’ve saved up a lot of money in our savings account. But in recovery, we only have the illusion of margin. There is no margin because recovery is an on-going, creative process. We have to keep creating a positive life for ourselves as we continue on in our recovery. Continuous effort. That is the only defense against relapse–constant progress and vigilance.

Your 20 years of sobriety doesn’t buy you any extra margin….you still have to make it through today–all day!–without taking a single drink.

So remember: in recovery, you don’t get a margin. You have to keep striving each and every day.

Ask yourself: Am I still pushing myself in recovery, or have I become complacent? There is no margin.

Beating Addiction – How can we best prioritize in recovery?

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This the fifth part in a series about beating addiction. The first 4 parts were:

1. The secret of overcoming addiction and alcoholism

2. Transforming your life with a spiritual experience

3. Staying plugged in to recovery

4. Common stumbling blocks that might lead to relapse

The newcomer can become absolutely overwhelmed in early recovery. Getting clean and sober is a monumental task. They say that the only thing you have to change in early sobriety is “everything.”

If your recovery solution is the twelve step fellowship of AA or NA, then you are going to experience information overload when you first get clean and sober. There are so many suggestions, so many different things to do, and so many important things to focus on in early recovery. The people at the meetings will tell you that “it’s simple.”

It is not simple. Do not believe them. “Simple” would be a one step program that states not to pick up a drink or a drug each day–period. That would be simple. But the program consists of 12 steps, abstinence from drugs and alcohol is implied, and there are also a ton of other suggestions being thrown at you as well. “90 meetings in 90 days.” “Get a sponsor.” “Get phone numbers.” I went through this initiation phase myself, and I can assure you, it is overwhelming. There’s no doubt about it. This is not to say, however, that 12 step programs are bad and that you should avoid them–that’s not the case at all. They do offer a tremendous amount of concentrated support. But there is a real need to prioritize in early recovery, because without doing so, the monumental task ahead of you becomes overwhelming.

How to Prioritize:

1) The first 2 weeks clean:

Any addict who has been through early recovery knows that the very beginning can be excruciatingly difficult. Therefore, your only priority at this point should be physical abstinence from the drug. This implies a huge amount of things in your life that will not be a priority for a while–things like work, school, family, and so on. Ideally, spending this time in a controlled facility, such as a drug or alcohol treatment center, would be the best route for most addicts to follow. For the first 2 weeks, the focus should be solely on not using chemicals and the formation of a basic recovery plan. The benefit of rehab is that it can help you with both of these things. Look for a controlled environment to help you in the beginning.

Spiritual priority: Stay open minded and willing. If you are inclined to, start with the prayer and meditation. But the critical thing is to stay open to new ideas that might help you in recovery at this point.

2) Up to 90 days clean:

This is the initial phase of recovery, when you want to fully immerse yourself in some type of support system. For most people, that will probably mean attending lots of 12 step meetings, such as AA or NA meetings. For others, long term treatment might be appropriate. The key to success in this early stage is overwhelming force. Completely immerse yourself in whatever recovery program you choose. The raw statistics do not look pretty for this range of clean time (zero to 90 days), so you really need to put some effort in here.

Spiritual priority: Open up to the possibility that a spiritual experience can happen for you and change your life. Focus on turning your will over to a higher power, and letting things go that are beyond your control. Start appreciating the serenity you get when you stop trying to control everything.

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3) 6 months to 1 year clean:

This should be a huge growth period for anyone in recovery. You should be transitioning from “staying clean each day” to “living a full life of recovery.” Instead of focusing on the negative (don’t drink or do drugs), you should have replaced that mantra with positive activities, such as chairing AA meetings, socializing with others in recovery, sponsorship, spending quality time with sober friends and family, and so on. In other words, this is a return to real life. At some point, it has to stop being just about not doing drugs and alcohol and you have to start living again!

Spiritual priority: Gratitude is powerful stuff–it is the Kryptonite that can protect you from getting a case of that one-year-anniversary-relapse syndrome. If you are truly grateful for your recovery, then it is a good chance you will hang on to it. There is a ton of information out there for helping you to cultivate gratitude.

4) One year clean and beyond:

This is when “real life” became a priority for me again: pursuing a relationship, going back to college, finding a better job, and so on. The idea was that once I gained a firm grip on recovery, it was time to start focusing on personal growth in other areas as well. Remember, everything is spiritual, from jogging to playing with your niece in the park to taking a college entrance exam.

Spiritual priority: Help others. Period. If you can help other recovering addicts, that is even better. Nothing works more effectively than working with others for helping (me) to stay clean and sober.

Just for today, what is your priority for recovery? What are you focusing on in order to gain a better life?

Ask yourself: “Am I progressing?”

Beating Addiction – How to overcome common stumbling blocks in recovery

Photo by Bibi

This the fourth part in a series about beating addiction. The first 3 parts were:

1. The secret of overcoming addiction and alcoholism.

2. Transforming your life with a spiritual experience.

3. Staying Plugged in to Recovery

In this post, I’ll be outlining some of the major stumbling blocks that people experience in trying to beat addiction, and how you can overcome them.

Common Block # 1: Denial

Denial operates on 2 levels: First, denial keeps us from even getting our foot in the door when it comes to recovery. This refers to the addict or alcoholic who continues to use and refuses to admit that they have a problem. But the other, more insidious form of denial can attack us at any time, even after we’ve been clean and sober for years. Even in recovery, we can still get stuck in denial regarding different areas of our lives. An example of this is when our peers see us doing something that they see as destructive or unhealthy, but we refuse to look at our behavior. This can be particularly tricky because this form of denial almost always involves relationships.

Solution: Stay open to helpful “criticism” from your peers in recovery. If one person tells you that you’re out of line, that’s one thing….but if a couple of people start telling you you’re out of line, then it’s time to stop and take a look at yourself. Stay open to this type of feedback. We might be defensive at first, but if you stop later and think about people’s criticism of you, then you can effectively grow in leaps and bounds by overcoming various levels of denial. Be willing to examine your own faults.

Common Block # 2: Underestimating the investment necessary to recover

Newcomers who have never tried to recover before almost always underestimate their addiction. This is huge. Beating addiction takes a tremendous commitment, and a seriously concentrated effort. I went to 3 treatment centers, and finally lived in long term treatment for almost 2 full years, before I finally “got it.”

Solution: Our life experience has conditioned us this way: we can achieve modest success in most of our ventures while only applying a modest effort. But this is not true in recovery. It takes a full commitment to a recovery program in order to achieve long term sobriety.

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Common Block # 3: Resentments

Resentments have been dubbed the number one offender when it comes to relapse, via the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous–and for good reason. Letting anger stew and fester within your soul is a sure way to screw up your recovery. Resentments consume so much mental energy that you have nothing left with which to feel positive.

Solution: Practice forgiveness. If you’re angry at someone, try praying–for their well being. Bless them with all your heart. Also, practice gratitude, and integrate it into your daily life. Let anger and resentment slip away. Take joy in your own life, and stop living through the hatred of others. Let go.

Common Block # 4: Self pity

Self pity is one of my favorite character defects–I used to use it all the time. While it might feel comfortable to throw yourself a pity-party and play the victim role for awhile, it is extremely self-destructive. Why? Because self pity is dis-empowering, addictive, and cyclical. You feel sorry for yourself, then you do nothing to take positive action in your life, and then the cycle starts over again. Very unhealthy for recovering addicts or alcoholics.

Solution: Gratitude is the direct cure–it obliterates self pity and starts you on the path of positive thinking and action. If you are prone to self-pity, then you need to practice gratitude, every day, in order to recover. Make it a part of your life.

Common Block # 5: Laziness (lack of footwork)

This is the reason that many people can attend AA meetings every single day and still manage to relapse. It’s not just your support system–it’s how you change your life….from the inside out. Go back to block number 2 if you are struggling with this: it takes a mountain of effort to overcome a serious addiction. Period. You can’t just “think” your way sober, or read a bunch of literature and suddenly be “cured.”

Solution: Put in genuine effort and attack recovery like you life depends on it (it does). Use the principle of overwhelming force. Motivate yourself to take positive action.

Overcoming these blocks is important to a successful recovery. When I first got clean and sober, all I could do was focus on not picking up a drink or a drug. As I gained strength in my recovery, I started to set other goals that were not directly related to beating addiction. But it turns out that a lot of those accomplishments have played a huge role in my recovery. So how can we know what to focus on in recovery? How can we make the best choices that help us in our recovery? Check back next week for an article about how to prioritize your life in order to have a successful recovery.

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